I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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