Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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