I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
