theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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