the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
its liver damage thursday
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