The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
