Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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