I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
