We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
