Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
