hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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