how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
