Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
