And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
