i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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