Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
