piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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