Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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