ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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