Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She bit a glass in half.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
