not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
