Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
