I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Do vagina's smell?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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