I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
