I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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