The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
