I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
