i think my tv is drunk
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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