i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
