I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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