yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
