I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
