I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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