my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
