conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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