youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
