Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
