Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
