clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Found the puke drawer
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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