Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
