I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
