She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
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if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
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He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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