I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
