After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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