yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
