Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
