i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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