the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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