Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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