i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
