You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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