dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
