spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't deserve a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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