Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
