coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
