oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the condom got lost in my hair
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize