It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
