She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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