im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
